Is Sex Therapy Right for Me?
Unfortunately, most of us aren’t taught that sex therapy is an option for helping our sexual problems. In fact, most of the clients I’ve spoken with grew up in families that rarely (if ever) talked about sex or therapy at all. This lack of education and/or experience around sex therapy leads many folks to reach out to me wondering if they’re a good candidate for sex therapy in the first place. I personally believe that there’s always merit in processing your relationship to sex and sexuality, as it’s something most of us have some kind of relationship to! However, if you’re on the fence as to whether sex therapy is for you, I encourage you to ask yourself the following questions:
What are my goals?
Most people that embark on the journey of sex therapy are experiencing some kind of distress, confusion, or dissatisfaction in one or more areas of their sex life. This can manifest in one’s solo sex life (porn, masturbation), in one’s relationship, or in one’s lack of a sex life overall (maybe you’re processing having an Ace identity!). Your sex therapist will want to know about these stressors and what you’d like to see change. While it’s not necessary to have your goals nailed down before coming to therapy, it can be helpful to think about. Even something as vague as “My partner and I don’t want to feel this way anymore” can start to lead you down the right path.
Does this sex therapist have the experience I need?
Peruse your potential sex therapist’s profile and learn about their areas of expertise. Some sex therapists are more generalists, while others are very specialized. Do you want to work on desire discrepancy and communication? Or erectile dysfunction and self-esteem? Maybe you’ve got a specific fetish you feel distress around fulfilling and want to learn more about engaging with kink communities? The areas of specialization go on, from affair recovery to opening relationships to polyamory. When you book a free consultation, you’ll want to ask if your therapist is comfortable and experienced working with the area of sexuality you’re concerned about.
Does this sex therapist hold identities and/or experiences that will help me feel safe opening up about?
For those that have experienced sexual trauma or hold marginalized identities, sometimes it can be important to find a therapist that holds shared experiences or identities that signal safety. There’s nothing wrong with asking your therapist to socially locate themselves in your consultation call. I’m personally a white, able-bodied, queer person with socioeconomic privilege. I’m also intentionally childfree.
Can I commit to at least six sessions?
Change takes time. The first few sessions with my clients are often focused around building rapport, taking history, and assessing the issues at play. I recognize and honor the complexity of my client’s humanity and experiences. It’s only after that foundation and safety is established that change can really begin to occur.
If you have further questions about sex therapy, reach out and schedule your free consultation HERE.
